Sometimes you get the feeling that someone is out to get you. There can be all kinds of reasons why you feel this way or someone may act that way. Once in a while I'll be shopping or eating at a restaurant when the waiter or store worker is angry and upset--their behavior is an "out to get you" behavior. When this happens, I know that it's likely that there are many forces at work in that person making them unhappy and aggressive. I try to do what I can to keep the peace in these circumstances.
Similar situations can occur in your family and friend groups too. There are moments when a family member or friend is upset and unhappy with you. Those are uncomfortable moments, but in a sense, those moments wake you up to the fact that something is amiss. When people are happy and content, they don't act with contempt.
So as I think more about this topic, I'm thinking of times when I've been on the other side of the situation--times when I've acted out against another person at work or in my friend and family circles because of my own angst, frustration, anger, or dismay. The time like this that quickly comes to mind was an emotional moment after a long period of caregiving. I was exhausted, frustrated, and sad, and acted out quickly in response to a friend's remark. After a number of caregiving-related outbursts like that, I realized I needed to make some changes to my caregiving schedule and activity as the obligation was too much for me. Since making those changes, I've been calmer and more centered though I continue to find the caregiving emotionally draining and physically exhausting, but more reasonable now.
When people are "out to get you", it's good to realize that there's likely many forces at play in the situation. First, you need to check your own behavior--are you inciting such responses in any way? If so, make the needed changes. Then think about what might be creating the less-than-positive reactions/actions and how you might help to make positive change. Often the greatest support is to give the situation time and space so people can find their own solutions to trying situations. At other times, you may be able to ask the question, "What can I do to help?", since people generally know what they need. And, there will be times when there's not much you can do to change the situation--some situations are out of your hands, and even though that's hard to accept, it's what you have to do.
Bottom line, people are not out to get you when their lives are in order--when people are out to get you, it's usually because they've got a conflict or conflicts they've yet to solve. Give them time and space to find their way. Be helpful as you can be, and if you've done all you can to help out, then move on and away from the situation making sure that you're not burdening others in a similar way. Onward.
