I've always felt that "boss" responsibility since my earliest days. Where did this management perspective originate and how has that played out throughout my life.
Thinking way back, my first "boss" experiences was the day my brother drank the Chlorine bleach. I was about four or five years old when my little brother climbed up on washer and drank the Chlorine bleach. A wild array of activity followed this event including the arrival of an ambulance, my brother and parents' trip to the emergency room, and staying with my Nana and Papa while they were at the hospital. I remember how I felt that day as I watched the events unfold. I felt like I had to make sense of the event and take charge of myself. I think that was my first "boss" situation.
In life, five children came after me, and during the day, I was often second-in-charge after my mom as we dressed and ready the children for our daily activities. I liked that role. I remember sitting in the front seat with mom discussing the day's events. I was often the one sent into the store to buy the doughnuts and other treats. I watched the kids in the car when mom ran into to get items. I also often walked down to the local store to buy items for mom. As I think back, I realize that I had a lot of responsibility from an early age--responsibility I was proud to have.
My parents rarely made choices for me, but their opinions and example had a lot of influence over my decisions. As life moved on, I made a lot of decisions for myself. I almost always felt in charge of my life. I'm trying to think back to why I felt like I had to be responsible for the way the organizations around me operated. Mostly, I believe, it came from my dad's perpetual directive that "You can't complain if you are not part of the solution." In other words, it's your responsibility to make sure the world you live in is working well. I took that advice seriously as I moved on in life working to influence the places where I studied, worked, and lived. I could have used a few lessons in politics, diplomacy, and collaboration as that would have broadened and deepened my perspective in positive ways since the best solutions in life are not solutions by one person alone, but instead collaborative, shared solutions where people respect each other each other's viewpoints, decisions, needs, and vision.
Right now I'm in the process of turning the corner when it comes to Who's the boss. I will still take part in decision making and leadership in the arenas where I'm active and involved, but more and more, I'll be a responder rather than a hopeful leader or boss. I don't need to be responsible for all the people and places around me, there are others who will fill those roles.
My first big experience with this has been the care of an elderly loved one. I had a vision for that care, but the vision wasn't shared by others on the caretaking team. I had to take a giant step backwards and become a helper rather than a leader in this situation. I felt strongly about my vision, and my vision, in part, was honored by the other team members, but my entire vision was not accepted or embraced. I had to accept that. In many other arenas of my life, similar transitions are taking place. While I may play a role, I'm not the leader and I don't have all the responsibility related to the situation.
In every life situation, it's important to consider the leadership involved. In the best of circumstances, all those involved work together to arrive at a pattern of shared responsibility and vision. Also, sometimes it's nice not to be the "boss" and to simply go along with the plans and leadership of others. Onward.
