I kissed him and said goodbye. That may not have been the final goodbye, but after many hours of sitting by his bedside, I knew that it might be the final goodbye. Later in the early morning hours in a dream, he came to me with his smiling face assuring me that all was well. Perhaps that was simply wishful thinking, but I'll take it as a sign that though sad, all is well and as it should be.
It has been a long caregiving journey. The highlights were the stories shared, the beautiful walks in nature, lunches with a view, celebrations with family members and friends, and lots of optimism too. The challenge was melding my vision with the vision and perspective of so many others. No one was wrong, but everyone saw the situation a bit differently. As for my loved one, those differences provided a wonderful palette of diverse activities, interactions, and adventures which brought spice to life.
I don't know what happens when the body dies, but it's difficult for me to believe that the spirit dies too since our spirits are so strong and those spirits live on in the lives of others. I love the images of Heaven as a place where your loved ones welcome you home and a place where you feel no pain. To think of my loved one traveling to a place where he'll see those he loved deeply is comforting.
As for being left behind, fortunately my loved one set the stage for a good life with my children, grandchildren, husband, and many more beloved friends and family members. I'll carry my loved one's spirit with me as I adventure in nature, care for my children and grandchildren, enjoy a good relationship with my husband, and live a good, full life. That is what he would want for me and for all.
Onward.
