As I think about specific errors related to professional life, these are the errors I want to remember.
Getting involved in people's personal lives
With respect to a number of occasions I moved beyond the professional sphere, and got involved by way of conversation and idea-share with people's personal lives. This mostly didn't end well. In a couple of situations, I naively became involved in people's relationship situations. In each of these situations, I was naive and didn't realize that I was unaware of essential information that was impacting those relationships. I never should have become involved--it wasn't my place, and in each case, I ended up getting hurt. In a couple of cases, I didn't realize that colleagues were having relationships with each other--I was completely naive to that, and I wasn't close enough for those individuals to be honest with me so I looked like a fool and got deeply hurt.
Thinking people cared about me
In a couple of situations, I confided in colleagues who I thought cared about me only to find out that they were using my confidence against me and for their own gain. I thought those colleagues were trustworthy when they were not--they were looking out for themselves, not me and probably not others.
Users
On another occasion, I thought I was building a good relationship when I found out that the person was a user--due to her deep trauma and life's weaknesses, relationship building for that person was a means to an end, not honest relationship building.
As I've noted before, I wish I had hired an outside consultant to help me navigate the complexity of the professional world--a world that close family members and friends were unfamiliar with. Later in my career, I worked with a few individuals who were far more savvy about the professional teaching/learning environment. They were honest, good people who understood the complexity of school environments well. I learned a lot from them. I wish I had that knowledge earlier in my career and have since passed it on to others since the professional environment is different than a personal family or friend environment, and it's good to know the difference. Onward.
Specific errors
- Thinking colleagues cared or understood what it was like to be a working mom at a time when there were few working moms in the my work environment.
- Thinking that all people were good to their word and realizing that some people will say one thing and do another--some people are dishonest.
- Thinking that a person in a position to help would be honest and helpful when that person was looking out for self rather than honestly helping others.
- Thinking that a leader was honest when that leader was far more of a self-serving opportunist.
- Thinking I understood the truth of matters when I didn't understand the truth of the situation at all due to individual's secrecy and dishonesty.
- Hoping for altruistic systems in some places where the systems were self-serving rather than serving the greater mission.
- Thinking that I had some answers when in truth I would have profited from some honest redirection and help in situations that were novel to me and situations I didn't understand deeply.
- Thinking I could be friends to everyone in a complex professional environment when it was more important to hone my professional collegial skills rather than friendship. You can't be everyone's friend in a working environment, but you can be a caring, kind, helpful, respectful colleague.
- Taking on problems on my own when the true solution required a thoughtful, strategic, team effort.
- Trying to make change too quickly and not realizing that good change requires good time, team, and strategy.
