Yesterday while tutoring, the student and I read an excerpt from the book, Entwined. The story had many twists and turns as we read about a number of lives that were entwined before, during, and after a fatal car accident. As we read, I thought about the fact that we don't really understand the full impact of the relationships and experiences in our lives, and that some relationships and experiences represent a fair amount of secrecy and surprise.
Then when I read the news last night, I was surprised to find out about the secret past of an acquaintance that I have regarded well for a long time. It was a secret that I never imagined to be true of a person like him--a true surprise for me. My first reaction was, How could he. . . and my second reaction was, Why would he. . . .
As I thought more about this surprise related to a person I have held respect for, I wondered about the experiences and mindset that led to this secret. Has this activity been a long held pattern of behavior for him or was it a short-time event? Did the individual have a deeper, shadier side that I wasn't aware of? Did he think of the actions as acceptable even though the actions were illegal? Did he forget about the humanity involved--did he really think that some people's dignity was less important than others? And, of course, were the allegations true?
Then I wondered about how he should react? Should he step down from his role? Should he simply come out and tell the whole truth about what he did and why he did it?
After that, I thought about my own life. Did I hold secrets that were harmful or hurtful? Did I ever act in ways that could be held against me? What mistakes have I made that I still feel remorse for?
Fortunately I grew up in a home, attended a church, and went to schools that continually reminded me of the need to follow the rules/laws and act with respect. I am thankful for that, but even with that support, I've made some mistakes--the worst of them involved times when I acted in opposition to events rather than talk it out with the perpetrators and times when I used angry words to express my response to troubling events rather than dealing with the situations with calm, cool, strategic actions. There were also the times that as a parent I let guilt get the worst of me prompting me to act out with my children--that didn't happen often, but I wished it didn't happen at all. In general though, I've been an honest, positive person in my life and my habit of thinking about any decision or action as potential "front page news" has helped me to stay on a positive path.
I always feel really bad when good people make bad choices that hurt themselves and others. I never want anyone to have to experience these painful wrong turns in life. As for this acquaintance's seemingly illegal decision, I'll watch and listen to how it plays out in the days ahead. I'm sad for him, his family, and the victim(s) in this situation. If we can save people from such pain, that's the right thing to do. Onward.
