Usually I'm not a fan of tough love. I prefer the kind of love that's warm, caring, open, honest and directed towards positivity in all ways. Lately, however, I've thought about using tough love in a situation in my midst.
Why tough love?
First of all, every other kind of love has not worked in this situation. No one is paying attention and I fear that if people don't wake up, there will be greater harm and hurt ahead. I want people to understand what's happening, and I want people to think about ways to improve the situation.
Tough love for me isn't a kind of love that hurts people, but instead a kind of love that uses strategies to awaken people to what's going on. It's a kind of love that's a next step when direct communication and pleas don't work. It's a kind of love that may include lessening supports, communication, and assistance.
Tough love is not my nature so I question its value. I want to be the kind of person that helps rather than hurts in any way, but when that help is overlooked and unsupported, you may have to find different ways to increase the supports possible--different ways that don't harm or hurt, but ways that awaken to create awareness and hopefully action.
This kind of tough love may include actions like this:
- silence rather than response
- asking the tough questions
- sharing images, words, and video of struggle
- including the voices of others
- less presence
