It's no surprise that I've been accused of over communicating often in my life. I love a steady flow of communication for all kinds of reasons, but I'm aware that for some too much communication is overwhelming and troubling. Recently a friend showed frustration with my high level of communication. When I thought about it, I realized that I often get frustrated by the friend's lack of communication. Clearly we have different expectations when it comes to the frequency and depth of communication. That awareness helped me to understand the issue and today when I wanted to contact that friend, I resisted as I don't want to jeopardize the relationship, and I do want to lessen the communication to support my friend's need for less rather than more.
I write my children a letter once a week that includes life's main events and thoughts. I do that so that I'm not calling them all the time each week. I recognize that they have busy lives so I don't want to interrupt them too often, but I also know what a lack of communication can do to relationships. A weekly letter offers family information--information they can read or refer to if they want when they want. That's been helpful. As an educator I used a website for the same effect. I included almost all information related to classroom life in the website. Parents who desired more information rather than less could access that website often whereas those families who desired less information were not burdened with a daily email. For the most part, that worked well.
There's a continuum when it comes to how much to communicate and how much to hold back. People fall all over that continuum, and the key is to find what kind of communication works best for you and those you communicate with. For every group and relationship that will differ. Rather than getting annoyed with someone's communication patterns, I think it's best to make a plan that includes your communication needs and expectations. I remember that when one son started college, he never called my husband or me. That was not enough communication so we talked about it and made a plan that we would talk every Sunday. That worked well. My husband had a once-a-week pattern of talking to his parents too and that similarly worked well.
Today I'm thinking about communication patterns as they relate to the many differing relationships that I have. I want those patterns to support positive relationships. Onward.
