When there is a detour in your plans and vision

 For those of us who enjoy looking ahead in life and, in many ways, live for our dreams, we have to come to accept the detours that inevitably occur. We may envision a certain scenario only to find that some and perhaps all of what we desire are not available. That common situation begs the question, Do we live for our dreams or do we live for the day?

As with almost all of life events, the answer, I believe, is to find the balance between living for the day and living for your dreams. My steadfast commitment to thinking about a vision for my life and working towards that vision gave me the courage and energy to work for what I wanted - I deeply desired a teaching career, marriage, children, a warm, welcoming home, and family closeness/support. At times, that vision is what gave me the courage and energy to push forward, research, reach out, sacrifice, and try with all my might to achieve what I desired. 

That said, there are dreams that we have in life that don't come true. For example, I have a number of acquaintances that deeply desired to have children only to find that they were unable to birth their own children for medical and other reasons. The women and men who had that desire and met with that detour, adopted their children, and raised loving families. I'm sure when they faced that detour, there were some sad and tough days as they realized they would have to find another way to reach their dream. 

Looking back, I dreamt of being in a good, loving, intimate relationship long before I met my husband. In many ways, I ached as the desire seemed to be out of my reach for a long time, and then, I did meet a wonderful man whom I've been married to for 37 years--that was a great life event for me and the fulfillment of a dream that I had since I was a very young child. Some dreams take time to fulfill, and as a wise friend has said, we have to be patient sometimes. 

Yet, if we're all about the future and not about the day, we may miss many opportunities for happiness and good living. Everyday we have countless opportunities to make choices about who we are and who we want to be, and everyday life presents us with all kinds of opportunities. One reason I truly love gardening is that it helps me to get lost in the present--nurturing a garden is much like nurturing a child, everyday the garden, like children, call you to think about what they need to thrive. And as I respond, it's an effort that sometimes works out well and sometimes not so well. Caring for children and gardens is not a perfect science, but there is lots of research out there to help us mostly do what's right and good for their growth. 

But as we live our lives trying to reach our dreams and still be present in the day, the world will send us challenges and detours that make us stop to try to figure out how to reroute our dreams and daily living. As I think back on life, some detours I faced that are common detours include these:

• family members' challenges
• family illness
• relationship break-ups
• work disappointments
• job losses
• rejections from schools, jobs
• miscarriages
• health challenges

I'm sure there are more. We all face detours in life, and as I think of every challenge or detour, I can see the positive life events that also occurred due to those troubling events. With every trial comes some wisdom, and with every trial often comes a new and better road. A relationship break-up avails you to new and possibly better relationships. A lost job opens you up to new jobs that might be a better fit. A family member's challenge may spur you into action that helps others. One reason I became a teacher is that I saw how schools' inability to deal with some of my family members' dyslexia greatly challenged my family members' lives--I wanted schools to change in that regard. 

As I've written countless times, the great challenge for me in life is how to traverse the road of life well despite the ups and downs, the goods and bags, the challenges and advantages. In that respect, every life is the same--no life is without its valleys, peaks, and plains. I think it's a good idea to live life with a balance of living for your dreams and living for the day too. Each of us will live somewhat different lives, but if we reach for value-driven lives that are good for us and good for others too, I think we will live as well as we can. Onward.