When a difficult situation settles down, it's always time to begin again. This means that it's time to reflect on the difficult situation and what the next steps are.
The latest difficult situation began with the death of a loved one. While the death itself was unsurprising because my loved one had suffered for some time with illnesses related to a long life, the death was upsetting as it brought up many memories as well as decisions to be made. I thought about all the factors involved and made the best decisions I could with regard to paying my respects and helping others to do the same.
Death creates all kinds of emotions, and death is always tiring. This is especially true for Highly Sensitive People (HSP's) and I fall into that category. Fortunately I had time before and after the services to initially process the death, grieve, and catch up on rest. Yet, the tasks that followed, mostly not impacted by the death, were even more worrisome, confusing, and complex. As with death, many emotions and some confusion stirred. How could I make the situation better? What should I do in this complex situation? Again, as with the death, I gave the entire situation some good thought and acted in ways that may not have been popular, but that I believed were important with regard to safety and betterment.
My actions caused a bit of strife which, in turn, created stress and more tiredness. Yet, if I didn't act as I did, there's a chance that a lack of information would result in greater strife and struggle. I felt it was important to speak up. I was also agitated by the situation itself since follow-up actions were not clear and repetitious, worrisome behavior continued to confront me.
As I write, I'm reminded of a similar situation long ago. I was visiting loved ones and a worrisome event occurred--the event had occurred multiple times in the past and it was happening again on this occasion. I spoke up only to receive ridicule rather than support. Similar to this situation, I felt that speaking up had the potential to right the situation, but also similar to this situation, my words were ridiculed. Eventually I had to distance myself from situations like that which was the right thing to do. Many of the fears I felt and expressed that day were sadly realized--my worries were not without warrant. And perhaps, my words did play a role in making the situation a little better over time. Those who ridiculed my words didn't share my commitment to a best possible future for those involved. Instead, they were wrapped up with self-concern and need.
Where do my reflections today point me with regard to the most recent experience and the remembered experience past?
First, it's important not to go along and agree if you know that a situation is problematic for your safety or the safety and welfare of others. Long ago, I knew what I was witnessing was not positive even though those in my midst disagreed, and just recently I also recognized a situation that wasn't ideal, a situation that may require renewed attention and revision.
Next, once you recognize a troubling situation and relay the information to those on the team with your best sensitivity and ability, then you have to work to remedy the situation for the time being in a sensitive way. That may mean that you have to change the way you planned to respond in order to accommodate and improve the situation. You may need to reach out to trusted experts, friends, and others for help as you consider what to do.
Also, if you're an HSP, you have to realize that your awareness will likely be heightened. In the current situation, the individual's face sent a wild alarm through my body that something was wrong. My initial feeling was that there was an injustice in play and that the injustice should not occur. The heightened awareness led to a wide array of emotions including anger, fear, worry, concern, a desire to help, and confusion too. What was happening? What could I do to make the situation better? How would I revise my original plans? Why would people create this kind of situation?
And, as you decide how to act, prioritize your actions:
- First, don't make the situation worse. I remember way back when I met with a difficult situation, my burst of emotions led to an outburst which was not a positive response. Instead I should have removed myself from the situation to give myself time to think about the positive set of responses that would follow.
- Define the situation and prioritize what you will do to help out. In the recent situation, the behaviors expressed were somewhat new and confusing. It was helpful to settle the situation down, and then to read up on what was happening. The settling took longer than I expected. Essentially it took about a full 24 hours to settle the situation down. The research took some time too, but once I read about what likely was happening, I had a better idea about how to handle the situation in a loving and kind way.
- Once you've de-escalated the situation and researched what was going on and what you could do about it, then act in ways suggested by the research. If one solution doesn't work, try another.
- Then when the trouble has subsided for the time being, reflect on how to prevent such situations or how to better remedy situations like this when they occur.
