Unrealistic expectations can get in the way of good relationships and personal happiness. Rather than being observant and expecting what's realistically possible, those of us who entertain unrealistic expectations operate on the dreams we have rather than the reality that exists. This can get you into real trouble with people and events. So how do you make change?
First, as I think of a situation that illustrates this event, I realize that I have this dream scenario in my mind about how everyone will act, but as my husband reminds me, no one over the years has ever acted that way--that's purely a figment of my imagination, and to expect that dream scenario is unrealistic. So instead, think about what the usual behavior in the situation is--how do people act year after year, and if you want it to be different, you have to be explicit about that.
Let's play this out in real time.
When the invitation is received, do people respond? Some yes and some no, but never all yes. So don't expect everyone to respond without reminders or, in some cases, at all.
Do people essentially cheer on the event with enthusiasm and offers to help. Again the answer is yes and no--so don't expect all yeses, and if you really want the "yes" reach out for it, but still don't expect all affirmative because that never happens.
In general, during the event, people enjoy the festivities. Take a few minutes out to enjoy the fact that people are enjoying the festivities. What makes people enjoy the events? The answer is good food, good relationships, fun activities, and a warm, welcoming atmosphere.
So, for dreamers like me, who sometimes get disappointed that events in life don't live up to the dreams, I have. The goal is to be realistic with regard to observing and noting how people react in real time, and if you desire change in that, you may need to be more explicit with words or you may need to revise events in ways that elicit a different kind of response.
I think it's also important to understand why you have the expectations you have--what is it that you really want to achieve. For me, when I host events, I want to achieve the following:
- a sense of warmth and belonging for those who share in the event
- enjoyment of good food and good relationships
- lively fun
- recognition of the value of being together and caring for one another
- support for one another in a positive way
- prepare the home so it is warm and welcoming
- prepare good, healthy food
- invite people with plenty of lead time
- warmly greet people and let them know you are happy that they are there
- Play games and foster activities that are joyful and amusing for the guests that you have
- Stay positive in all ways
- Don't sweat the small errors or obstructions that are likely to happen during the event
