Our expectations of others play a role in the quality of relationships we have. When we expect more or different than a person can provide, we create problems within the relationship. When others or ourselves expect more from us than we can provide, problems arise too.
So, what are reasonable expectations from others?
Of course reasonable expectations are going to differ from person to person. Sensitivity to people's expressions, words, and actions helps us to define what is reasonable. For example, recently I became very disappointed by the inaction of a team member. I expected more than was reasonable, and when I assessed the situation with others, it was clear that I was expecting something that was unrealistic. So I have to drop those expectations--rid my mind of what I wish that team member would do because he's not going to do it. Done!
Why do we have unrealistic expectations of others? I believe, in part, unrealistic expectations arise when we depend more on our hopes, ideals, and wishes than the reality that exists. Another example is that I have an unrealistic expectations right now in my head for a peer. Analysis of what's been happening in the past and what's happening in the present shows me that my expectation has nothing to do with who that person really is, so I have to change the expectation to one that's more in line with who the person is and what that person typically does.
This reality makes me wonder if dreamers like me are plagued by unrealistic expectations too often--do those expectations take us down mostly because we're more married to our dreams than the reality that exists.
So today I'm going to think about the many people in my life and what's realistic to expect versus what's unrealistic. Onward.
