I'm still obsessing about my desire to understand a situation fully. My lack of knowing led me to get very upset, and now I'm wondering why knowing was so important. It was important to me because knowing the information gave me the ability to do the my best in a tough situation, and being left in the dark hindered my ability to do my best. I like to do my best particularly when the health and welfare of others are involved.
How could I have done a better job? That's difficult to answer given the facts of the matter. I'm not privy to the information, and the only way I can get the information is to ask and wait for a response. Many kowtow to get information--I don't like to kowtow, I like to be direct, but I suppose if the information is that important to you, you might use methods that, in my opinion, belittle yourself. I watched colleagues do that all the time in the school setting to receive the information and support they desired. They lowered themselves to make the bearer of information seem more important. I don't like that approach, but in some cases it works.
Without the information, I was left with the difficult decision of how I could affect positive change in a situation that was uncomfortable and hurtful to a loved one. That's when I demanded information and better care for my loved one. I don't like to demand. I don't like to be the bad guy, but for me it was worth being the bad guy in this situation to provide better care to my loved one who was clearly suffering.
Way back, a similar situation happened at school. There was a potentially very hurtful situation at hand. I had spoken up about this situation previously and thought I made some headway, but clearly I had not. If I let the situation go, people would be greatly hurt, but if I demanded change, the people involved would be greatly angered. I chose to anger the people involved in order to save the more vulnerable people who would be harmed by the event. I used my "front page news" decision making strategy and played out both scenarios as front page news and decided that Teacher Saves Vulnerable Children from Harm and Hurt to be the better headline than Teacher Allows Harmful, Hurtful Situation to Continue. I was also encouraged to make the choice I made because teachers had made similar choices with me when I made mistakes at school--they spoke up and saved me from making even greater mistakes. They chose to teach me rather than ignore what could have been a big error. I was thankful for their guidance.
I became upset, in part, because not knowing put me in such a vulnerable position. No one likes to be compromised particularly when the need in front of you is one of importance and care. Then when others could not understand my need for knowledge or hurt in this situation, I became even more upset.
The unfortunate situation has passed. A similar situation will likely arise again and next time I hope I will deal with it with greater ease, respect, savvy, and understanding. Onward.
