We are all left out from time to time, and being left out while a natural event can be very hurtful. I remember once a long time ago at work, colleagues were planning a special party. They were working on the party favors in a public space at work. I was very busy attending to a work task in their midst as they cheerfully managed the creativity and talked about the upcoming party. It was so hurtful as I didn't know anything about the party and I clearly was not invited. I'm sure that I may have been involved in similar party-planning in front of others at the work place since we worked in a crowded environment with little space for private conversations, connections, or efforts--a place where it was impossible to include everyone all the time due to numbers alone as well as our many differing life choices and life realities.
That said, I remember that sting of being left out. In fact that event almost brought me to tears on that afternoon as I had faced a large number of related circumstances that were similarly hurtful in that regard at that time. Looking back, one big reason that I was left out of those events was that I was a super busy working mom with lots of at-home responsibilities which made it impossible for me to be apart of that group, a group that was younger for the most part and less busy in their personal lives. Anyone who has been a super busy working mom with little outside support can likely relate to that scenario as when you're in those shoes you hardly have time to come up for air. There were other factors that led to the alienation including differing philosophies, work-related commitments, life experiences, skill and more.
We can be left out and we can leave others out for all kinds of reasons. Because I have a super-large family, I am often restricted when it comes to invites for special events since you can't invite hundreds of people to everything--yes, my family is that large! Also in this age of social media, we hold on to relationships with many near and far, and that creates challenges when it comes to who is included and who isn't. I'm the kind of person who wants to hold on to all relationships and include everyone I've ever known in all events, but that's impossible, impractical, and likely even uninviting to all the people one knows.
So, what to do when you are left out? Face it, you're going to be left out--that's the way life is. And as for leaving people out, we can't include everyone all the time. So if we want to stay close to people, we will make time for them in special, thoughtful ways. As I've been saying to myself often lately, life is not a perfect science; and if we do our best to love and support one another, that's the best we can do. Onward.
