Have you ever been punished simply because you spoke your truth or made a positive choice for yourself. That's happened to me and I haven't quite wrapped my brain around why that happens and when it happens.
A long time ago I planned a special celebration for a loved one. I was very excited about the event. Yet, another loved one was upset about the celebration and stopped talking to me for a long time. I felt "punished" by this silent treatment. I thought a lot about why it happened and in the end, I realized that my excitement somehow dwarfed my loved one's excitement about a personal event they had planned--I was so self-focused that I missed that person's big event. So perhaps I deserved the punishment, but looking back, I wish my loved one had said, "Hey, I've got a big event I'm excited about too. Let me tell you about it." That definitely would have awakened and centered me with respect to acknowledging my loved one's special event too. We always have to be sensitive to the experiences and events others care deeply about--that's a cornerstone of good relationships.
There was another time when I spoke my truth at a faculty meeting years ago. My truth greatly angered another educator for reasons that I could not have imagined at the time. What I saw as a truth directly challenged her truths about the same organization and that organization's commitments and efforts. My words essentially labeled the organization as not up to par or right thinking or choosing, but her family was closely alined with that organization so she took it as a direct insult. She essentially punished me for a long time with the silent treatment and little support due to my words, perspective, and the way I expressed that. In hindsight, it's too bad that the woman didn't ask me to meet with her and talk about it. I could not have imagined her point of view, and a good exchange would have sensitized me to the way I expressed my perspective and how that impacted her. I think we could have come to a middle ground since the woman was a teacher and a good woman with a wonderful reputation for her good work at school and in the community.
In both of these cases, my actions hit a sensitive spot in the other people. Their sensitive points were outside of what I knew about or could imagine. Perhaps if I were more savvy, I would not have incited such anger and the resulting punishment. One can never be too sensitive.
Punishments such as the silent treatment, hurtful judgement, withholding support, and more can be very painful, and rather than punishing one another, we can invest in relationships by sharing our truths and feelings. Essentially we can talk it out until we get to a place of peace. That's not always possible for lots of reasons, but if you feel that you are being punished by another, it's best to acknowledge that and try to find that middle ground because punishing one another rarely does any good. Also, rather than punishing another in silent ways, it's best to initiate a conversation to clear the air. Onward.
