Every family has their own style. And as you make decisions for your family, it's likely that you'll look around to see how other families make decisions related to similar topics. We watch each other, consult each other, and consider each other's decisions as we make our own choices with regard to a large array of issues. We essentially learn what to do and what not to do from each other as well as experts and research too.
As I think about past decisions, I realize that I learned a lot from the many families I worked with as an educator. I watched how so many families made decisions and I followed those families' lead in many ways as I cared for my own children. Sometimes I learned what not to do as well as I observed families I knew. For example, as a child I noticed what too little oversight might do to a child's life. I realized that children need a good deal of structure to gain confidence and do well in life. As in most situations in life, there's a balance when it comes to just right structure and for every child that structure will change a bit. Rather than a one-size-fits-all style, there's a continuum when it comes to what works well and what doesn't.
I thought about this issue today as some close to me are making a very different choice than I would make with regard to family care. Those making the decision are bright people who want the best for others yet they may be less cautious than me. I couldn't live with the decision they are making, but I realize that I may err on the side of too much caution at times--I like situations that are very safe versus situations that leave more room for possible problems. It's not my decision to make; so I can observe and think about what I might do, but I have little control in the situation as long as the situation is within safety parameters and it does appear to be within those parameters.
When we watch how and what others choose, it makes us think about our own choices. Sometimes when I see very independent, successful young adults, I wonder if I held my children too close and didn't give them enough independence at young ages, but then I realize that you have to go with your style. I'm simply not relaxed if I ignore my concerns and don't stay on the safe sides of matters. I'm not a chance-taker when it comes to safety in most circumstances. That's who I am. Others I know fall on the opposite side of that safety continuum--that's who they are.
Family styles will differ and the decisions related to those styles will differ too. It's best to simply observe, think about he decisions others make, cull what's helpful, and leave things alone as long as he situation is not dangerous and destructive. There are many ways to live life and make decisions--we'll all differ a bit in this regard. Onward.
