I've had few actual break-ups with friends and family over time. I've witnessed a few break-ups in other people's lives too. No matter the reason, break-ups are not easy and they impact more than the individuals who are splitting--break-ups have a ripple effect.
When we decide to break-up?
Breaking up in most situations makes sense and happens over a period of time. You simply find yourself at odds with the vision, values, and/or desires of another, and you, the other person, or by mutual agreement decide that it's time to go your separate ways. Of course, these break-ups are usually painful and especially painful if one wants to move on, but the other wants to make it work.
Dealing with a break-up
There are countless ways to deal with a break-up. You may fight against it at first, but then resign yourself to the reality. Once you realize the break-up has happened, it's usually best to busy yourself with other positive endeavors and individuals--the worst thing you can do is wallow in your sadness. I also think it's good to spend some time analyzing and figuring out what happened and what might be different the next time you enter a similar relationship. Further I think it's okay to acknowledge your strong feelings for and about the other person and use that energy in ways that are positive. In other words, offer up that energy by way of action or prayer for something of value.
What did the break-up teach you?
We learn from all of our life experiences. With respect to the break-ups amongst friends and loved ones I've encountered over time, I've learned the following lessons:
- Sometimes it's natural and right to move on, and upon moving on you can let the other person know how much you cared for them and how you wish them positivity in their life ahead.
- Sometimes you simply won't understand why a break-up happened--some events in life are beyond understanding and you simply have to accept that mystery and move ahead.
- Sometimes your values and the values of another will move in very different directions and you or the other person will decide that they can't accept the others' values and actions in order to live a good life.
- Sometimes events greater than you get in the way, these events may cause distance due to health, geography, schedules, and more.
- Just because a person was in your life for a shorter period of time doesn't make that time less significant or valuable--treasure and respect the time you had together.
- Don't take any relationships for granted--treat all people with respect, honesty, care, and love.
- Sometimes you won't have what another person needs and the best gift you can give them is space and time.
- If you value a relationship that's been severed, it's okay to try to rebuild that relationship--it may not work, but it might work. It's worth a try if the relationship is something you really want to give a second chance.
- Your self respect matters--if an another person treats you with indignity, harm, and hurt, you have to leave that relationship. No one deserves to be treated poorly or hurt physically or emotionally. That hurts your lives and all the lives you are connected to.
- We should strive to be our best selves in every relationship.
