We all know curmudgeons and we've probably been a curmudgeon now and then. My initial reaction to meeting a curmudgeon is to want to cheer them up, and usually that's the last thing a curmudgeon desires. That usually makes them more unhappy as they give you a look that says, Don't tell me what to be or what to do.
So how do we deal with that curmudgeon experience in ourselves and others? What can we do?
When we become a curmudgeon, it's time to think deeply about what you need and how you are spending your time. Sometimes when I get into a negative mode, I'll ask myself the question, If I could have anything right now, what do I want? The answer to this question usually pinpoints what's missing in my life. Often my answer to this question is simply rest--when I'm tired I get grouchy. Other times my answers include needed getaways, time with a friend, the opportunity to create, a change of job or more. If you're a persistent curmudgeon, you probably need some kind of significant change in your life, and often a positive route to that change is not only self analysis, but the chance to work out your issues with a trained counselor or therapist. It's worth your time and effort to get the help you need if you're persistently in a dark place.
As far as dealing with the curmudgeon's in your life. Often what's most valuable is to simply be there to listen to their woes and challenges. Simply having the opportunity to talk out your challenge of the moment gives you the time and perspective to figure out what you need. At other times, you may be able to help by offering some real time support. For example if you have a loved one who is facing a physical challenge, you may be able to lend some physical support to help out or if you have a loved one who is lonely, making time to get together may brighten their day and mood.
At times, we may not have what the curmudgeon in our midst needs. If you give it your best try, and the person continues to be negative towards you, then you may have to make the difficult decision to put a little or a lot of space between you and that individual, because in truth, people have to want to solve their own problems--we can't solve the persistent problems people face without their desire to change.
We all go through tough times. Those times demand time, space, thought, and often good help. It's difficult to watch people struggle, and when we can help, that's often, and when we can't, we have to accept that too. Onward.
