A long time ago, I wondered why my aunt liked old movies so much, then recently, I found myself enjoying a few old movies. As I talked about this with a friend, it became clear that there's a comfort level with old movies since movies that relate to a time when you were young are familiar whereas more modern movies may not relate as much to the way you live or even the behaviors you deem acceptable. Acceptable behavior changes over time--what was once not acceptable may be acceptable today.
As I thought about this and a few other matters, I wondered about our shared and individual parameters for acceptable behavior and how that fits into our overall life and relationships.
Let's take thank you notes for example. Some people were schooled by their families and perhaps their schools to write a good thank you note to acknowledge gifts, a good time, or a generous act. Others may not have had that schooling. For some, writing a thoughtful thank you note is a must, and for others, that's not a practice they employ. This, in many ways, depends on how you were taught and what practices were acceptable in your circles.
Acceptable behavior is a continuum, and we all may fall on different places on that continuum. The language we use is an example of acceptable behavior. At one time, swearing was considered almost always unacceptable, but now we see and hear swears more often. For some this is still not acceptable, and for others this is acceptable.
Our attitudes towards how we treat others differs too. When I'm with my 95-year-old Dad he always impresses people with his chivalry in speak and action. He gives up his seat, holds a door, says thank you and please, and listens with good eye contact to others. He's especially kind to women, children, and those who are facing challenges. On the other hand, we notice those who have no idea what chivalry is--they don't open doors, say please or thank you, or give up their seat--they're oblivious to this behavior or choosing not to employ these manners.
When we think about our own lives and our self respect, we have to think about the behaviors we'll accept and those we won't accept. For me, as a certified scaredy cat, I can't tolerate behaviors that put people in danger even if these behaviors are meant in fun. This kind of behavior makes me too nervous. I also can't accept behavior that's disrespectful, rude, hurtful, or hateful towards others--I don't want to use behavior like that and can't accept it in others. Further I don't like dishonesty--dishonesty truly can harm situations and people greatly. Even if the honesty is tough, I prefer honesty -- you can usually couch it nicely even if it is tough.
What behaviors are acceptable to you? What behaviors are not acceptable? This is a topic I'm thinking about. Onward.
