After a weekend of caring for a loved one, I'm thinking about the caregiver journey and role. Since 2020, I've spent a considerable amount of time and thought in a caregiving role related to my elderly parents. Since I was a young girl, I have played a caregiving role in life. Early on I cared for my younger siblings often and helped out with my older relatives and children in the neighborhood. Later as a teen, I chose caregiving roles at the Parish nursery and as a babysitter. Then as an adult I chose a caregiving profession as a teacher where I spent every day caring for the students in my classes. I also chose to be a parent, and continued caregiving as a wife and mother. So when I signed on to help out my parents with more time and effort, I wasn't unfamiliar with caregiving. Yet, caring for my elderly parents was a new chapter, one that was a mix of joy, challenge, struggle, emotions, and exhaustion too.
The joys came with the opportunity to spend a considerable amount of time with my parents. While together, we often recounted family stories and family history. We took long drives, walks in beautiful places, celebrated special occasions, shared many meals, cleaned and organized their house and gardens, and visited friends and relatives. All of these events were joyful in many ways.
The challenges and struggles related to learning how to care for elderly people in sensitive, safe, and positive ways. Navigating so many doctors' appointments, medicine administration, cognitive changes, and more were unfamiliar to me and required learning with a fair amount of trial and error. There was an emotional side to all of this too--I didn't realize how tough this chapter would be on me emotionally. I was used to my parents being strong and independent, not needy and dependent. This shift was very emotional and exhausting for me. Plus there was the unexpected fact that caregivers often have different philosophies and ideas about what constitutes positive end-of-life care. I didn't anticipate so many varied perspectives. In many ways, this variation of perspectives is due in part to the fact that more people are living longer, and we've yet to establish common traditions and paths for the many ways that people age during their final years and decades.
As I think about the last five years of caregiving and the ways my role has changed during this time, I'm thinking about the ways I want to meet this role in the days, months, and years ahead.
There's no one way
There's no perfect, one-way path when it comes to caregiving. There are many perspectives about what constitutes good care, and for the most part, there's something positive about each of those perspectives. Helping people to live their best lives in their final chapters can look different and still be just right for all kinds of reasons. When determining the best path you have to consider who is legally in charge of the situation, the choices that exist, and your personal abilities/constraints. Then you have to do the best you can with the situation you are facing knowing that there's no one perfect path when it comes to best possible caregiving.
Play to your strengths
We all have different strengths, and while caregiving, it's positive to play to your strengths. Do what you are able to do. Share your interests, abilities, and positivity with those you care for.
Don't jeopardize self care and self respect
Caregiving is demanding and if you jeopardize self respect and self care, you won't be able to sustain a good level of caregiving. Find the balance of self care and care for others that you can live with knowing that there will be some sacrifice involved.
Team with others
As much as possible, team with other caregivers. The more we positively work together to care for those in our. midst, the easier and more satisfying the caregiving work will be.
Onward
