In life, some situations are complex. Like intricate webs, these complex situations can be difficult to navigate, figure out, and untangle in positive ways. Yet, if you make time to think about the situation from multiple angles, there's a great likelihood that the complexity will lessen and the situation will become more comfortable, known, and manageable.
As I think of a couple of complex situations in my midst, right now, I'm thinking about how to navigate them.
First, as I think about these situations, I want to think about where I don't want to go and what I don't want to do. When teaching I called that the "don't go there list" which is a list of moves that will ruin your chances of doing what's beneficial and positive for you and others. The "do not go" list for almost every situation include these elements:
- don't raise your voice
- don't lie
- don't use slander or put-downs
- don't use physical force
- don't intentionally hurt others in any way
- don't talk over people
- don't expect people to act in ways you desire--that won't always happen
- don't assume that you are in a lead position--be cautious about taking the lead, and when you do take the lead, lead well with input from others
- do listen
- do tell the truth
- do be positive
- do look for the silver lining
- do maintain self respect as well as respect for others
- do take a time out if needed to compose yourself and think on the topic
- do keep your values up front
- do what you can to be helpful, honest, and kind
- if someone says something that I disagree with, I'll simply say, I disagree
- if someone appears to omit important information, I'll inquire about that information. If the omission continues, I'll have to accept that or find out in another way
- If someone is unkind, I'll ask them to be kind
- If someone is accusatory, I'll try to figure that out with questioning, and if it's my fault, I'll own it
- if someone asks me to do something I think is wrong or out of line, I won't agree to do it
