I've been fortunate in life since I've had few hellish situations to date to deal with. Yet, now and then, hellish situations arise, and when they arise those situations create all kinds of havoc. I want to think about how to deal with those situations with greater capacity and positivity. What can I do?
First, I'll look back at past hellish experiences. I remember one in particular when I was quite young. It seemed like there was loud noise everywhere and no one wanted to hear my dissatisfaction with the situation. The situation was truly a cry for help from someone other than me, and that cry hit me in deep and troubling ways. I felt like there was no where to go to get relief. Eventually I mostly accepted the situation and moved on. It never changed to a situation that I desired, but I learned to busy m myself and live with it and eventually moved away from the chaos.
On another occasion, I experienced an unexpected hellish situation. Looking now at that situation, the trouble had been building. I didn't recognize the trouble fully, but I did what I could to the best of my understanding and ability to deal with it, but when the trouble hit a crescendo, I reached out to experts to get support. Their support was invaluable and I got past that hellish event. It's too bad that others didn't step in to help before the situation hit that crescendo--leadership could have done that, but at that location there was little investment in the workers.
Now, today, I'm experiencing yet another hellish situation. An individual I know well is experiencing a deep and troubling illness--an illness that defies logic and most predictability. I would like to handle this situation in a way that translates to a predictable routine and stage in life. I believe that kind of response would help to manage the situation in a way that's mostly safe and comforting to the individual. Yet, I don't have the support for that decision so I'm left with a pattern of care that's somewhat incomplete. The pattern of care is good in many ways, but there are definite holes that leave me uneasy and appear to make the individual stressed and more troubled. The others involved are comfortable with the care at hand, but I find the pattern disconcerting and worrisome.
Others I know who have dealt with similar situations have also faced the trajectory of less care to more care with regard to caregivers' desires and comfort levels. For those who desire more care, less care is very frustrating, and for those who are comfortable with less care, reminders for more care are disconcerting. So, how can I find peace in this situation.
First, I have to accept the fact that I have little control in this situation. I want to do my part, but I have little to no leadership authority in the situation. I could contest this, but the cost, length of time, stress, and ramifications of this would not add up to better care in a timely manner.
I also have to accept the fact that I have little support with regard to my observations, desires, knowledge, and investment in the situation--in general, the team does not support me at all, and some members of the team are outrightly disrespectful, hurtful, and abusive in the situation. I have to divorce myself from those that are abusive and potentially dangerous to my safety, and I have to take a giant step away from those that are disrespectful, hurtful, and unsupportive. Fortunately there are a few supportive teammates, and I can rely on their help, but I don't want to use them up.
So as with all hellish situations, I will do the following:
- Remind myself that I am not superhuman--I can only do the best that I can do.
- Read the information that exists, and learn about how to handle what's happening as best as I can.
- Share only the facts that matter with unsupportive teammates, and stay away from abusive members of the team.
- Do what I can when I can.
- Accept the fact that there will be detractors in life--that happens and you simply have to accept that once you've done all you can to make positive change.
