A friend basically said she was overwhelmed by all the expectations around her. I could tell that she was suffocating, and as if the expectations were flies, she was swatting them away with words and actions right and left. Were there too many expectations? Why was she so overwhelmed?
I've felt that way before. The expectations come at you at a fierce pace, and you can't keep up. Yet, do you have to live up to all those expectations? Don't we have some control over what we do and what we don't do?
Truly there are times when the expectations reach a crescendo and you truly are buried, but there are other times when you feel buried, but that's because you have not taken the time to consider what it is that you really want and what it is that you can truly do and not do? No one can do it all? No one is super human? And it's usually no one's fault when you are overloaded by expectations, but instead, it's just the way it is, and there are some choices to be made.
The holidays are a perfect example of the probability of getting overwhelmed. That's one reason why I spend a lot of time thinking about what's most important to me during the holidays and scheduling those events way in advance so that the events are on the calendar and I have time to prep. Sure, early planning means I may miss out on an event planned later on, but if it's important to me, I just have to let that go and be glad that I planned the important event with plenty of lead time.
Sometimes others may tell you that you've added to the burden their calendar presents. When that happens, I think we have to let people realize that it's there choice of whether they attend an event or not. Recently a friend called me to plan an event, and I had to say that there wasn't time for that event right now given what was going on in my life. We will definitely make time for each other, but just not right now since it's super busy with a number of evens at the moment. I was honest and relieved that I didn't overbook.
It's disappointing when good friends have to miss special events you've invited them to, but since many people today have busy lives, we just have to accept the fact that everyone we invite won't be able to come, and similarly, we won't be invited to every events.
Sometimes the biggest problem at the holidays is to respond without giving the invitations careful consideration with regard to your calendar, energy levels, and commitments. Even if you'd love to go to some events, important commitments may prevent you from doing that. For example, I'd love to visit a loved one in New York City during the holidays, but this year, time and resources simply do not permit that. I've planned that visit for the spring instead.
Knowing what you want, the values you hold, your priorities, and the resources you can expend helps you to make good decisions during the holidays and at other times of the year. That helps one to have a happy holiday season. Onward.
