I am not a fan of suffering. I prefer joy.
Yet, suffering is a part of life, and it's a part of life that's directly connected to people's last breaths and death.
I woke up thinking about last breaths this morning. These thoughts came from the fact that I am watching a love one suffer right now, and I've been thinking about how to mitigate that suffering in thoughtful, kind, loving ways. That led me to think about the many people I've known to take their final breaths on Earth and move onto an unknown that we all have thoughts and ideas about. Some of our thoughts are tied deeply to our religious roots and understanding and others may be of a more spiritual or scientific nature. No matter where your thoughts about last breaths come from, there will be a factor of unknowing and mystery there.
But, back to last breaths. I've watched many in their final stages of life. Some fought to stay alive up until the very last breath; others peacefully surrendered, and some slipped away so quickly that they likely didn't even have a minute to realize they were leaving this world.
When I think about those closest to me who have died, I know I did what I could to offer solace, good will, and care. There was almost always some debate about what exactly to do. Deaths that were expected were met with more measured and strategic care while unexpected deaths were given what I had at the moment. For some, I had a lot to give and for others due to timing and other factors in life, I didn't have as much time or energy, but I gave what I could.
We can't mitigate all suffering, but we can provide comfort and care. That comfort and care may come from presence, small gifts, medical support, and comforting environments. The comfort and care will help our loved ones to forget their suffering for a time and remember that they are loved and valued. That will help them deal with the inevitable suffering that often accompanies the final stages of life--stages we can only imagine until we experience them ourselves in our own ways.
What you don't want to experience is last breaths with regrets--you don't want to regret what you could have said or done when someone passes away. Instead as you decide on the comfort and care you can provide, you want to make sure that you do and say what's important to you in life. For example, during my mother's last hours, I had plenty of time to comfort and care for her with loving words, music, holding her hand, and being present. I am so happy that I had that opportunity, and with my brother who died a long distance from where I lived, I had the chance to exchange loving letters with him in his final days--letters that expressed our mutual care and love for one another despite the great differences in the way we lived and valued life.
So as I think about last breaths, I am thinking about the good people in my life and how I want to honor them in meaningful, caring ways. I won't always hit the spot of best connection, but I will always try to do what I can with the energy, time, and resources I have. Onward.
