Recently as noted in previous posts, I was left out of the loop of important information related to a loved one on a number of occasions. This hurt me greatly because it left me without the information I needed to support my loved one in optimal ways. The lack of information also put me in a very uncomfortable position when advocating for my loved one's good care. In time, I was able to advocate and the care became better.
Why was I left out of the communication loop? There are probably many reasons for this. In one instance, it was likely fear of my reaction to a worrisome situation. In another instance, it was worry about the legal ramifications of promises not kept by an institution. And in the remaining situations it could be related to a desire for control, prejudicial attitudes about women, laziness, and/or varying philosophies about what it means to live a good life, care well for loved ones, and work as a team.
Also when mentioning these information gaps, some noted that they like to be kept out of the loop of information share since not knowing leads to less guilt and responsibility. I guess for some, a lack of information is positive, but that's not true for me. I like to know what's going on. I like to know the truth of the matter.
So how do I deal with this lack of information?
As an educator, I read many reports related to the efforts of school system administrators so I would not be surprised by events. I read these public reports regularly to stay on top of ongoing efforts since I could not rely on some administrators to be forthcoming about information that affected my daily work. That added extra work for me, but I preferred working more and knowing what was going on than being left in the dark about important school events and information.
In my current situation, I have to realize that while information share is important to me, it's not important to some in my family/friend circles. I can't expect them to keep me informed about what's going on in certain situations. The first step in this arena is to see the difference between information that is important for me to know and information that may be too personal or irrelevant to me. I don't need to know about people's most personal situations--I respect privacy in that regard. But if the issues affect me and what I can or cannot do for a loved one, knowing is important.
Once I've noted the information that I want and need to know and that which I do not need to know, then I need to figure out how to get that information. The first best way to find information is to ask direct, respectful questions. And if people can't or won't answer those questions, you need to find someone who will answer the questions. If you still hit a wall, you may need to rethink how you ask the questions and how you pose the questions. As an educator, I put most of my questions in writing and shared those questions with more than one person to protect myself since some administrators used information in unethical ways. In fact, I was chastised by an administrator for asking too many questions. I responded that I wasn't getting richer, more beautiful, or happier by asking those questions and that I asked the questions to inform the good work I wanted to do. I was not chastised again by that administrator who clearly did not want to share much information.
Going forward, I want to think more about information share. I want to build relationships with people in honest, trusting ways. I don't want to be served untruthful or incomplete information with regard to issues of importance. Onward.
