I became very angry recently. It had been a long time since I felt such rage. What brought that rage on?
Simply put, the rage was caused by a lack of communication regarding an important issue. I was purposely left out of the information loop which left me unknowing about an important event. As I thought back on other life events where anger ensued, I found that purposeful lack of communication was at the root of most of those episodes.
Why do people not share important information?
I thought about the cases where this happened in my life, and in every case, people didn't share because they didn't want to deal with my reaction. When administrators didn't share plans for change at school, it was because they knew I would not agree and question their actions. So instead change was thrust upon my efforts without any kind of communication or preparation. That was super frustrating.
When family members and friends don't share information that's valuable to me, it's for the same reason--they don't want to endure my reaction. In most of these cases they knew I would disagree and have something to say so they don't share the information. Just recently I found out some disturbing information about a loved one, and had I known the information when the incident happened, I would have spoken up, but no one told me which has eroded my trust greatly for those involved.
In a similar situation, a friend sidestepped sharing information with me about an important life event. Again, she knew I would be upset if I knew the information. Eventually and unsurprisingly I found out. Had I been told in a respectful manner up front, I still would have been upset, but I was far more upset finding out the information in such a secretive way.
Some may read this and counsel me to work on my reactions. Perhaps if my reactions weren't so strong, people would more readily share. That's probably true, but I also don't want to be dishonest. If an event or information is worrisome, hurtful, or dangerous, I will react. I don't bury the bad news, but instead I deal with it because buried bad news only becomes more dangerous, worrisome, and hurtful in time. I like to deal with things up front and in good time.
Obviously when people hold back on information or lie, trust erodes. On the other hand, when people are truthful and forthcoming about important information, good or bad, trust grows. I desire collaborative, trustworthy relationships and as for those relationships that are fraught with information gaps and untruths, I will be wary. Onward.
