It appears that the death knell will soon be ringing for a loved one. I don't want to rush the process, but I also want to be ready for what's to come.
The changes began several months ago when the care situation proved to be inadequate. Next there was a series of new care situations, and in every case, the situation worsened rather than improved. It was a somewhat slow downward spiral that prevented the good times and positivity we enjoyed in the past.
We made the best of it using the resources we had, but clearly day after day, it became more evident that the death knell would ring in the days, weeks, months or perhaps a year ahead.
As I note often, death is a great mystery. Some die very young which is tragic, and others live very long lives for which we are grateful.
So as I endure a loved one's last chapter, who do I want to be and what do I want to do?
Now that this process is under the direction of hospice, I am much more relaxed as my experiences with hospice have been so positive. They understand this chapter of life, and they are there to help you understand what's going on and what you can do to care for your loved ones and yourself in positive ways. I am grateful for this expertise.
Also, I want to be there as often as I can be to support my loved one as they transition. I understand that this process has an element of mystery as to the length and series of events, and I want to be open minded to what the process will bring.
I want to follow the Golden Rule too--I want to act as I hope others will act towards me which means I want to be lovingly present.
I know that the people around me will experience this event in many different ways. Some may become very upset and unruly, others may be seemingly passive and not show their feelings at all, and still more may try to gain control in a situation that is mostly uncontrollable. I want to coach myself to be patient amidst the variability of reactions including my own.
I will be utterly sad. I will cry a lot, and I will be distracted when it comes to my usual daily events and chores. This is who I am. I am a very emotional and sensitve person.
As for the final days. We have long held family traditions related to death, and at times like these, those traditions are comforting. There is a funeral home staff that knows us. There's a funeral tradition that's familiar to us. These traditions and people will help us in this time of need.
I will also be comforted by the fact that the people in my loved one's life were there for him. Was it perfect? No, because nothing is perfect, but I can say that the people in my loved one's life--all of them, did their best. Was there more we could have done? I honestly don't think so because we never lost sight of thinking about how to support our loved one, and though we all saw the situation a bit differently, no one neglected him or harmed him or didn't try to do what they could to support his good living.
The death knell will ring--it may be days, weeks, months, or perhaps even a year. Death is a great mystery to us still and perhaps forever, and I want to be open to this sad, but meaningful and loving time. Onward.
