In many ways I was so focused on Dad's last chapter, that I lost sight of the world around me and all the changes occurring. Now that Dad has passed, I am waking up to a new world and a new perspective. As I mentioned in past posts, I have to coach myself forward for this new chapter, and as I often do, I want to think about my long-term goals in this regard. I find that long-term goals truly help me to achieve the life I want both for the long term and present.
I'll begin with what I'm most unhappy with in life right now. I'm disappointed that some of my close friends and relatives don't want to discuss the deeper side of life, yet I know I can be obsessively repetitive and long-winded when it comes to life's questions. Honestly I could think about life's questions all day and all night as it's somewhat of a sport for me. I truly love analysis, and I realize that can be quite dull, repetitive, and unattractive to likely more than less of the people I know. That's why I turned to writing so long ago--I had to get it out, and it was clear that most did not want to listen to my detailed musings on life's trials and tribulations. As I write, I realize that I have to find new outlets for this side of me since some of the former outlets for my analyses have moved on in life, and I want to respect that.
It helps me to think about other seekers I've met recently--people whose quests are different than mine, but nevertheless deep and relentless. Have I given those people the time and attention they seek? Was I a good listener to the details of their quests? Why was it difficult for me, at times, to entertain their analyses and struggle? I honor their quests, but I only have so much capacity for the quests of others, and likely that's what my friends and relatives think when I share my analyses and quests. Our capacity to walk in others' shoes is limited as we have our own paths to nurture and follow.
So with the changing landscape of life, I want to attend carefully and sensitively to where people are in life, what their needs are, and how I can be a good friend or relative to them in their lives. I also want to be attentive in order to see who is there for me too--I don't want to simply believe that people want to share in my path, but I want to ascertain where we truly meet up in ways that matter to both of us. I want to seek moments, times, and events of mutual care, compassion, encouragement, nurturing, and enjoyment of life too.
I also want to make some time to be a giver--so many people have reached out and given to me during my father's illness and death, and I want to acknowledge that via written notes and other acts of gratitude. I could not have weathered my father's illness and death without that support, and I want to let people know that I am grateful that they were there for me in the many varied ways they demonstrated support, care, and love.
Further, I want to be generous with my time, energy, and resources. Just as I am frugal with money, I want to budget in ways that ensure I have quality time, energy, and resources for the people, places, and causes I am committed to.
So as I write, I realize this is a time of giving more than taking; a time of listening more than talking; and a time of deep reflection as I chart the course with my same goals in place: a warm welcoming home, a healthy routine, contribution to the greater good, and healthy, loving relationships. Onward.
