Some of us who may be defined as "too responsible" had the experience of living amidst less structure and peace than others. Some of us that seek to control our environments with high energy and action may want to create a sense of peace, expectation, knowing, and organization that may. have been missing from our lives for any number of reasons. I thought about that today as I thought about my constant desire in life to create structure, a desire exhibited in my long-term planning, detailed blogging, and frequent research.
In many ways, it's time to lay that too-responsible side of me aside. That doesn't mean I want to become irresponsible, but instead it means that I no longer need to seek the level of structure, expectation, and knowing I've been working towards for so long since that structure, expectation, and knowing are in place to the degree that it can be achieved. There will always be events and activity in life that are surprising, unexpected, and beyond our control.
What does this change mean for my life?
First, it means that I can step back. I don't have to carry the burden of wayward, irresponsible adults who make bad decisions. They are adults. I am happy to help if I have what they need, but I don't have to push myself upon them--they can live their own lives. I also don't have to feel guilty about the gifts or positivity I experience. Like everyone I'm a mix of gifts and struggles, and like everyone, I should be able to enjoy my gifts. And, I don't have to feel guilty about missteps and error as long as I am trying to do my best--none of us are perfect, and we all deserve the space to make mistakes and be the imperfect people we are. In summary, this change in my life means greater freedom to live the best life I am able to live.
This also means that rather than a director in life, I will be more of a collaborative team member. My children are adults now. They know what they like and what they want. We enjoy spending time together, and that time will be directed by the team rather than one of us. That's a freeing notion for someone that has been a responsible parent and caregiver for a long time.
I hope this change will also reflect growth with regard to empathy, listening, positive support, and outward care for those who desire that. I want to be there for those I love in positive ways.
Onward.
