How do you deal with angry people? What do you do?
I've been an angry person from time to time in life. Mostly my anger derived from a sense of oppression where I wasn't heard, respected, or considered in situations. This happened as an educator because too often the voices and needs of educators were overlooked, undermined, and disrespected.
Usually when I met with angry students, their anger derived from unmet needs. Sometimes those students had needs which were very difficult to understand or respond to. In all cases, the educators involved tried to understand the roots of the anger, and help the children get what they needed.
It's not much different when dealing with angry adults. Angry adults that I've dealt with from time to time are also people with unmet needs or desires in some ways. Also, there are situations when you may anger a person because you overstep your boundaries and infiltrate areas of their life where you are not welcome or where you may be perceived as insensitive due to unawareness or sadly, negative intention.
How do you best deal with angry people?
First, it's good to try to understand where their anger comes from. If you feel comfortable, you could simply say, "It seems that you're angry, what can I do for you?" If that's not comfortable, you can simply observe what's happening and try to figure out what's causing the anger.
Next, when people are angry, it's often a sign that they need space and time to figure out why they are angry. Again you can offer your assistance, but many will not want that as they have to figure out how to find peace by themselves.
If the anger persists, you'll likely. have to create boundaries. You may want to share those boundaries or quietly put them in place. That will depend on the situation.
If you think you play a role in the anger, you may want to figure out what that role is and make some changes if you value the relationship. Or it may be that the changes the angry person desires are too great for you or for the life you want to live. That may create a dramatic shift for the relationship.
Anger is a powerful and potentially destructive emotion. It's important to get underneath it and learn about where it comes from in you. Seek the help you need if the anger is getting out of hand and hindering the good life you desire. Onward.
