For those who did not enjoy a healthy dose of respect at any point in their lives, fostering and maintaining self respect may be difficult.
For example, if acceptance in the home, work place, or any other environment meant ignoring your natural traits, needs, or interests, it's likely that the development of a healthy dose of self respect was challenged.
This kind of challenge may occur in environments that have too-tight parameters for what is acceptable and what is not acceptable thus creating unrealistic, uncomfortable, and unhealthy environments for positive development and belonging.
Thinking back, I'm considering places in my life where self respect was fostered versus places where self respect was challenged. In general, my natural self was a good fit for school environments while growing up--I fit into the parameters that existed. I had friends and relatives whose natural selves were not a good fit for school environments, and for those individuals, schools did not foster self respect, but for me, schools at that time did foster my own self respect.
Later at a place where I worked, the environment did not foster self respect in some ways. Similar to school, my skills for the job often did fit the environment and promoted a sense of self respect, but the attitudes of some towards women did not foster self respect. There was too much harmful teasing and too many inappropriate comments which challenged self respect.
In many environment at the time, respect towards women in general was insufficient. Too often women were judged by their appearance and their ability to serve men rather than in holistic, positive ways. This attitude challenged women's self respect.
What does it mean to respect yourself? To respect yourself means that you appreciate yourself and recognize that you have a right to live your best life in ways that nurture you and nurture your environment including the people around you in positive ways. To have self respect means that you set the kinds of boundaries that allow you to live with positivity. Self respect also means that you are allowed to live with fidelity to your values, needed self-care, and the ability to be compassionate and accepting of who you are including your strengths and challenges. Unlike narcissism, self respect finds you seeing yourself as a vital part of the community, a contributing member of the community who has both strengths and challenges. Narcissism on the other hand finds a person putting their needs ahead of the needs of all others--they don't make the time or space to consider who others are and what they need.
If self respect is a challenge, what can you do to build a healthy degree of self respect?
First, know yourself. Understand your strengths, interests, desires, goals, challenges, and experiences. We are all unique, and knowing and becoming who you are meant to be is a great advantage in life.
Next, establish and maintain positive routines of self care. Knowing yourself will help you to know what you need to live your best life. Don't be shy about letting others know what you need. People are not mind readers, and you can help them to respect who you are by kindly relaying what it is that you need. I remember once a friend explained what seemed like a rather strange behavior they exhibited. Once the person told me the medical reason for that behavior, it made so much sense to me, and I could respect and support that behavior and need more successfully.
Recognize that none of us are super human. We make mistakes; we have deficits; and we need one another to survive and thrive. Be compassionate to yourself. Accept who you are. Play to your strengths, accept your challenges, and if possible and positive, work to strengthen your weak areas.
Understand your values too and be willing to revise those values if you have a good reason to do that.
Self respect does not mean that you demean and diminish others, but instead it gives you the energy, confidence, strength, and positivity to live a good life for yourself and others too. Onward.
