From time to time in life we may be ousted from groups we've known and loved. This is never a good feeling, and often when ousting happens, it may be difficult to untangle the situation or get to the heart of it to understand. Way back when I had my first child, my work connections changed a lot. Prior to having my first child, I was available almost 24-7 for the work place and colleagues, and then when my child was born, my life's responsibilities unsurprisingly dramatically changed. The change was abrupt for many of my colleagues as well--I wasn't the person they knew before mostly because I simply was not as available emotionally or physically. At the time, most of my colleagues did not have children, and a somewhat natural parting of the ways occurred. While I still worked with them, I wasn't available for the afterschool gatherings and impromptu events as before. There was also quite an age gap between me and most of my colleagues at the time which further led to a big shift in our relationships. At times I felt ousted due to this change. There were one or two colleagues who had children who lended a bit of support, but in general at the time, working and being a mom at the same time was not embraced at that work place. Even the boss wrote on my evaluation that I wasn't the employee I was when I didn't have children--that was a low blow. Years later the bosses attitude changed when his own daughter became a working mom, but until then, the working-mom path was a bit rough for me.
Ousting often occurs due to some kind of dramatic shift in your life or the life of the group. On another occasion when I was ousted, my life had changed due to a dramatic shift in our home related to my husband's work. That put me on an emotional roller coaster which eventually led to a job shift for me. There was little support for me at this point in the work place mostly due to the tremendous amount of change happening all around me there--the old guard had mostly retired and the work place was filled with new leaders trying to make their mark. These new leaders had little allegiance or care for employees like me who had been there a while which led to a bit of painful ousting as I moved from one work location to another.
So as I consider ousting, I am realizing that ousting often occurs due to dramatic change and big life events. Way, way back when I was in grammar school and my friends left for junior high, that friend group essentially broke up. I was the little kid and they were off for new adventures. Schedules, time, place, and change all led to that ousting of sorts.
One friend has had much less pain than me when it comes to ousting because he simply rolls along much more naturally--he doesn't put a lot of effort into holding on if it's not natural or doesn't fit well. He's more open to changing with the tides of time and place whereas I've tried to change and hold on at the same time--that's like trying to ride a wave while holding on to mooring--you can't do both.
So with the latest episode of ousting, I'll try to ride with it rather than fight it. When looking at what created this situation, it's more of the same of past ousting experiences--dramatic change that forces people to make choices, and those choices sometimes lead to the kind of change where people feel and/or experience the sense of being ousted from the group. Onward.
