I admit, I haven't always done the right thing. That's not because I intended to do the wrong thing, but usually it was because I didn't know better or didn't have the demeanor or skill in a situation to act in the right way. My intentions have always been to act in humane, positive, helpful ways. I know I'm not alone in that, and I know that most people do strive to do what is right in life.
What happens when we do the wrong thing?
As I think of my mistakes in life, I realize that those mistakes typically arose from the following events:
- situations that got the best of me--I was frustrated, I used strong words and actions to express my frustration. Of course, the better decision would have been to take a time out, reflect on the situation, and make a better choice. Note, when that's happened to me, I've always apologized to those I may have raised my voice with or unintentionally hurt, but that still doesn't make the actions right.
- situations when I thought I was doing the right thing only to learn that I was misguided.
- situations when I followed poor leadership--leadership I honored, but leadership that was negative.
- hasty decisions and actions--fortunately in each of these situations, I learned my lesson before any harm was done (Thank goodness!)
Mostly, to date, my life has been spared the grave mistakes and errors that truly harm a life. That's happened because for the most part, I've been surrounded by good people who guided me with their courage, words, examples, consult, and care.
I often refer to my high school peace and justice teacher. We had a great text that taught us how to deal with tough decisions well before we faced decisions like that. Later in life when I faced decisions that we discussed in high school, I was prepared to make a good decision.
The lessons taught in my home, schools, and church stayed with me and helped me to stay on a positive path in life. My dad often talked about the tough decisions and experiences life can present, and he would cite courageous individuals and actions that worked to right situations. In school we learned about peace and freedom leaders like Martin Luther King, Clara Barton, Harriett Tubman, Gandhi, Mother Teresa and more. Those leaders provided a model for good living.
Privilege also helped me because I was mostly part of the mainstream which means there was less stress and strife in my life. People who are not part of the mainstream have greater challenge as they have to face greater prejudice. I did experience some prejudice as a working class woman so I understand this in part. Privilege can be blinding, however. Sadly, with white upper class men, in particular, there are countless examples of men who are blinded by their privilege which lead to unjust, hurtful actions and investments.
The fact remains that "doing the right thing" is often not a right or wrong decision. There are events in life when the "right thing" is not exactly clear. For example as my siblings and I grapple with what's best for a loved one with Alzheimer's, there is a lot of disagreement because the "right thing" is not clearly outlined. This is true with regard to many medical situations since the science related to many diseases and physical ailments is not complete--there's still much to know, and when dealing with a person whose mind has weakened, they can't tell you exactly what they want and we don't know exactly how to make their lives as good as they can be. In situations like this, we have to learn together and advocate for what we believe to be best knowing that it's not an exact science. A similar challenge existed when I was teaching. Sometimes we would have a student that presented in a new and challenging way--the team would learn together and do all they could to come up with a plan to best support that student. Our efforts were clearly incomplete and imperfect due to lack of knowledge, differing opinions, and lack of needed supports.
Similarly, when we see friends and loved ones suffer, our first reaction is to "fix" the problem, but suffering is often not easily fixed or remedied. People's suffering is often very personal and dependent on many past and present factors. We may do our best to act in right ways, but we may not fully know what is right in situations like this, and those who suffer may not be open to the help sometimes too.
In general it's right to act in ways that help people to live their best lives without harm, hate, or hurt. Everyday we can try to do the right thing and act to make that happen in ways great and small. With reflection, collaboration, prayer, and good will, our efforts will improve over time. Onward.
