For years my family has been working together to care for aging loved ones. Our collaboration has often been challenging given the fact that we didn't plan or prepare for this chapter in life, and we have all come to this job with differing perspectives, experiences, and skill. We are certainly not alone in this job because everywhere I look I notice family groups working to care for elderly and/or ill family members.
As I continue my family history project, it's clear that caring for the elderly and ill family members has always been a significant part of family life. Both of my grandmothers spent a considerable amount of time caring for the elderly in their families. One grandmother cared for her mother and her husband's mother in her own home--both women required a lot of care. Another grandmother cared for her husband's father for many years. My own mother spent considerable time caring for my dad's mom and her own mother, father, aunt, and elderly cousin. Now it's our turn.
As I think about this, I think it's good to plan for this stage if you can. One cousin planned well by creating a space in her home to offer her mom a warm, welcoming place to live and be apart of family life. Other older folks I know moved to places that offered greater support and healthy enjoyment for their later years. My own dad and mom kept their home very simple which made it easy for aging. They also signed onto local supports and services that stayed in place as they aged.
As for myself, I'm thinking about how to prepare for my own aging while also thinking about the care I provide for my own dad--am I doing the best I can? What needs to change, and what should stay in place.
I hosted my dad recently for several days. I did a fairly good job making him comfortable, but noticed a few changes I can make for his next visit. For example, I set up a bed close to him so I could make sure he was safe at night. That worked, but next time, I need to make sure secure the doors so he doesn't wander out at night. I helped him with his personal needs, and this worked, but next time I want to do that with even more skill--a few tools and a little more knowledge will help me do this. I cooked a lot of good meals for him, but next time, I have to cook more so I have plenty of food to send home with him. My children visited while he was here which created a festive familiar family atmosphere which Dad enjoyed. I want to host family members when he comes next time too. I also want to be prepared to engage in a few fun activities such as puzzle making or playing a game together next time. In addition, I want to identify a few shows that he'll enjoy. The shows I've been relying on are not as interesting to him any more.
The aging process is not easy, but with good attention and collaboration, you can do a pretty good job for yourself and others as aging occurs. Onward.
