Parenting, teaching, and caregiving are almost always imperfect efforts since you are continually facing unknown situations, and this can be a challenge for Highly Sensitive People (HSP) who tend to be perfectionists. HSP's see and feel a lot, and that intensity of awareness and feelings often makes them desire more than is possible. For example, recently when caring for a loved one, I was hit with an emotional tsunami--my loved one's illness, activities, desires, and emotions created a toppling wave of worry strong enough to knock me down and make me incapable of the kind of steady, loving care I hoped to provide.
What specifically happened?
First, I was nervous about picking up my loved one due to somewhat frightening weather conditions. I don't like driving on icy roads. I was also unusually tired, and I'm not exactly sure why that was true, but I was. So tiredness and fear set me up for less than ideal caregiving abilities.
Then when I arrived, my loved one was clearly upset, and those caring from him were not at peace either. That made me feel bad. I want my loved one and his caregivers to feel good, but hey, no one feels good all the time. Rather than let the worries take over, that would have been a good moment to recenter.
My loved one continued to express his worries and show his discontent. I felt worse and worse--I hated seeing him in that state. Worries and discontent continued throughout the night for all involved which resulted in little sleep which only exasperated the situation. Again, this was a good time to reboot, but without good energy and rest that's difficult to do.
The entire weekend of care included some ups and some downs--it didn't meet the ideals I had for the care, so how can I avoid this next time.
First, I have to have good energy for caregiving just like I need good energy for parenting, grandparenting, and teaching. I'm not sure why I was so tired, but, in part, the tiredness was the result of anticipatory worry and using up good energy on creative tasks that could have been left for another day.
Next, my expectations were off. I foolishly was expecting to care for an individual I used to know, not the individual who exists now, an individual who suffers from a troubling disease. Keeping expectations realistic will help in the future.
And, I had not planned the weekend efforts well. So what do I hope for next time in order to reach greater satisfaction and care.
First, it's best to pick up my loved one in the morning when he's fresh and energetic. That sets the stage for a happier caregiving experience.
Next, it's best to be as rested as possible for caregiving--tiredness and caregiving are a mismatch.
And, it's good to plan ahead for a weekend of steady, easy care with the knowledge that some activities that were positive in the past are no longer positive or possible now. A simple loving schedule with low expectations will result in greater care than a busy weekend with too-great expectations.
I have a break right now to increase energy and plan for a better caregiving experience in the future. Onward.
